Blog Category: FAQs

Chapter 13: Ghost of Boyfriend Past

I think most of us have that one person, that one heartbreak that we think we will never get over. The one we never forget and always wonder what if? What if we met at another time, or another place or in another situation? We all have that person that we wonder about over the years, if they ever married, where they are and how their life has turned out? At first, after the break up, we try dating other people hoping that they will distract us long enough that we will finally forget about the one that we really love. We hope that if we fall in love with another we will stop loving the one we lost. We convince ourselves that we are better off with out them and remind ourselves of all the things about them that were wrong for us. We try over and over to deny the truth that lies in our heart that we are still deeply in love with that person and we try our hardest to put our best foot forward anyway and keep just moving forward one day at a time. Time goes by, years go by, and eventually we do begin to forget about them and for the most part we pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and move on with our lives. Until one day, we bump in to them, or an old friend and we are reminded once again of the mark they left on our heart and the impression they left on our soul. We forget the horrible break up, the nasty things that were said that we couldn’t take back, all the mistakes we made when we were younger and inexperienced and we reminisce about the good times and the happy moments when we were in love. We begin to realize that tied in with these old memories are old feelings that are reignited through the emotional resonance of memory. Like taking a roller coaster ride through the past, our emotions are eclipsed by our memories reminding us of those ancient scars, badly healed wounds and secret list of grudges we keep. They are often the moment and emotions still in need of letting go and of forgiveness. Some times the forgiveness is for the other and other times it is for our selves for the mistakes that we or they made on our journey together. As it seems, I had just “bumped in to an old friend” Nick, and the rollercoaster ride had begun. The person that I had spent a lifetime trying to forget and leave behind was suddenly as intimately connected to my life now as he once was 20 years ago.

Spirits have taught me through readings that there is no such thing as failure in a relationship. We learn some of our most valuable lessons through our relationships. We are each others teachers. They remind me as they come through in readings, that we are not victims here we are volunteers and we all choose to participate in our relationship experiences regardless of their outcome. We choose our most significant partners before we are ever born in to this life and we choose each other full well knowing the issues we are both coming together to work on. “Fate” and “Synchronicity” coordinate the timing of our meeting in this lifetime, but believe me there is no chance in who and how we meet one another. We set it all up in advance as part of our plan. Although we arrange our meetings and coming together, we do not necessarily write our outcomes in advance. Much of our outcomes depend on how well we learn our lessons together, if we learn them at the same pace and if we both continue to participate in the class we are taking with one another. Sometimes one of us gets lost, sometimes both of us do. We stumble or we get off track and maybe we even decide to quit the class all together or just graduate to the next level and so we split up. Some times we are not meant to be each others one and only and we were only supposed to meet for a period of time and move on. So, whether we come together for a lifetime, a few months or a few years, all of our relationships are equally important as they are all part of our lesson plan. I also know that we all reincarnate over and over and that we have most likely been through many lifetimes together with our most significant partners working on these issues. In most cases this isn’t our first lifetime together and not likely to be our last either.

The real problems come in for us when we don’t learn or grow from our relationship experiences and we stubbornly stumble along in our unconscious oblivion repeating the same destructive relationship patterns over and over. We keep changing all the players, but are stuck playing the same old game over and over. This is when we begin to feel like the victim, and while stuck in the role of the victim, we don’t realize that all along it has been us who needs to change and grow. So, we keep looking for Mr or Mrs Right thinking that when we find the right one, that special one we will finally be happy in love and in life. Wrong! We have many possible Mr and Mrs Rights and when they don’t work out it is because we are either finished learning from each other what we came together to learn, or that one is growing faster than the other or perhaps we are stuck in some old or dysfunctional pattern. We need to either examine the types of people we are attracted to and why, how we are behaving or what our expectations are in a partner. It is most often us who is looking for all the wrong things in our partner, full of unrealistic or misguided expectations we are quick to point out what is wrong with the other instead of realizing that they are our mirrors, shining back to us what we need to work on about our self.

Well, even with all that being said, it certainly does not lessen the pain of heartbreak and a love that is lost. There is no greater pain than the love that is lost whether it is through a break up or by death. The thing is though, Love is never really lost. Once we are connected by love, no matter what happens in life or after death we will always be connected by that love. It is literally like a cord of light that connects our heart to another’s in eternity and from this side to the other. I have done readings for people that have been married three or four times and will invariable have a first husband come in to a reading from a brief and young marriage. A 65 year old woman who has been married several times will be surprised that this first husband now passed will come in to her reading to say hello. I will explain to her that once we are linked by love we are always linked, love is the karmic tie that keeps us together working things out, from this lifetime to the next. There is nothing stronger than the bond of love, not even hate can break the bonds of love, not really. Because even relationships that became estranged in life, where people have disconnected completely and are no longer speaking, will reconnect again after death to sort things out and get closure and finish what they came to do together. Have you noticed that some of our most difficult relationships exist within our family of origin, with our parents and our siblings? That is because those family ties of Love are the hardest to sever. They keep us together in the most difficult of circumstances trying to work through our issues. We choose to be in relationships with difficult people in our families because we know that we would never work that hard for anyone else in our lives and we also know that they have something very important to teach us. Sometimes they teach us by showing us what to do and sometimes they teach us by showing what not to do first. If it were not for the fact that they are our parent or a child for example, we would be much more likely to throw in the towel and walk away.

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