Anger in Grief and Forgiveness

Blog Category: FAQs

Anger…strong emotion excited by a real or supposed injury; wrath; rage. Excite to wrath; enrage- Webster’s.

It seems that in the past few months I have found myself deeply immersed in the study of “Anger.” Personally, I hate to be angry. It takes a lot to make me angry and I will not usually stay angry for long. I am a creative person and I prefer to channel my energy in to the direction of my creativity and the people and activities that I love in my life. To be angry, uses too much energy and leaves me drained with out the energy I need for the things that I feel passionate about. However, it is impossible to avoid feeling angry some times living in this world. We all feel angry; it is an unavoidable part of the human condition.

You may ask why would a Medium, why would I… be studying anger? Well first to explain why, it is necessary to tell you about the not so glamorous side of the work of a Medium. I find that many people think that it would be very exciting and very cool to be able to see and speak to dead people. To be able to

know things before other people or know things that are going to happen before they do. It is important to understand however, that many times I am working with those who are deeply grieving and in great pain, who many times have suffered unspeakable and tragic losses. Anyone who works with grief, or has experienced it first hand, knows that it is very common that after getting over the initial shock of the loss, anger will set in. In my experience as a Medium, I am probably exposed to more anger than most, through the types of work that I specialize in. I specialize in working with Grief Support Groups and people who have lost loved ones by sudden death, accidental death and suicide. I have been involved in this type of work extensively, for the past 4 years.

In these circumstances, I am quite often working with people who have never been to see a Medium before and would never have even considered going to a Medium or Psychic for that matter, prior to the loss of their loved one. They come to see me because some one has told them that I can help them, that I can give them one last conversation with a loved one lost suddenly, and they come with the hopes that I will be able to answer some of their questions and help them to have closure and peace. Many of these clients come from traditional religious backgrounds, bringing with them preconceived ideas and misconceptions about death, life after death and God. It is also not uncommon that some of these people will come to me feeling fearful or skeptical about seeing a Medium. However, desperate for peace, relief from unbearable pain, and some times guilt…they come to see me anyway.

This type of work for me is very rewarding, as I am fortunate to have an opportunity to help people in a very special, profound and life altering way. I am always grateful and humbled to be a part of such a truly miraculous process. Spirit reminds me that the real heroes in this process, the spiritual warriors, are those who choose to wake up every day and try to keep moving forward, one day at a time, to overcome the great loss and tragedy in their lives.

I must admit however, being only human, that the expectations that people sometimes bring with them to see me, can be a little overwhelming. It can be a daunting task to deliver very sensitive, personal and some times painful messages to some one who is in such a vulnerable state. The truth is not always easy to hear. I am always mindful of that fact when I am working, and do my very best to have compassion and empathy for those that I am working with.

There are many times that I will encounter a lot of resistance from a client who is not ready to hear a message that I am being asked to deliver. In spite of the resistance and some times even anger about the message being delivered, I persist, because I know that ALL messages that I receive are for the healing and growth of my client. I KNOW without a shred of doubt that if spirit is giving me the message, it is always from love, and for the purpose of helping the person that I am delivering it too

So with all of that being said, I do occasionally encounter days that try my soul, and clients that test my patience and compassion. Those days where I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t. If you have had a reading with me, you know that I do not make a career out of telling people “what they want to hear.” I ethically cannot do that, no matter how much you pay me! I am spiritually obligated to tell you the truth and I am not allowed to edit the messages given to me by the spirit world. If spirit gives them to me, I have to give them to you. This requires that some times I have to deliver a message that I know my client does not want to hear

In stark contrast to our fascination with scary ghost stories, I rarely encounter angry spirits. I do occasionally encounter angry people, who may be angry during the course of a reading for a number of different reasons. Some times the person that I am reading for, has unresolved and unexpressed anger with the their loved one who has passed, anger with the person responsible for their loved one’s death or even anger with God. Some other people seem to just be angry about everything, everyone and life in general. We have all encountered these people.

In the course of a reading, if a person has unresolved anger with their loved one passed, I may find myself right in the middle of a conflict, acting as a mediator between the person and the spirit. In one such case, a living wife could not express her anger directly to her husband for his marital infidelities in life, so as I was translating their conversation back and forth, she began yelling at me! In another reading, I had another woman who was furious with her husband for canceling his life insurance right before he passed. Talk about angry! Sometimes I feel more like a marriage counselor or mediator than a Medium!

In a recent reading, I encountered a more serious example of unresolved anger and grief. A mother had come to see me whose son died of suicide only a few months earlier. This particular woman was a rather stern, skeptical older woman who came in with a guarded and defensive attitude. I knew before she came she was going to be difficult to read for, as spirit had already given me a heads up….I had no idea how difficult until I started the reading.

As I began reading, the woman was very resistant to everything that I said and very reluctant to validate any information that I was giving her. I quickly began to feel very frustrated working with her. I proceeded to explain to her that if she would not validate the information I was giving her and be honest with me, I would have to end the reading and send her on her way, something I rarely ever do. I considered just ending the reading there, however, I knew she had a son passed who died of suicide that was waiting to speak with her, so for her son in spirit…I decided to continue on. She had given me absolutely no details of why she came to see me or of having a son passed. I began to tell her I had her son with us, who died of suicide by taking pills and alcohol, as well as, some other details about the circumstances of his death. The woman validated that what I gave her was correct. The son was a man in his 30’s when he died with a family of his own. He began to tell me that he had suffered from mental illness, mild schizophrenia and depression since his teens and that he had begun abusing drugs at a young age in an attempt to cope with his illness. The reading went on with many messages and very personal details from son to mother. Midway through the reading, when the son began speaking about his mental health problems, the mother immediately got very angry. She told me, very abruptly, that she did not want to talk about that anymore. However, it was very important to her son that his mother really understand and most importantly acknowledge his mental health problems. I also knew that these issues were very important for the mother to hear and accept, so that she could release feelings of guilt and anger that she had not been addressing at all. I reminded her that I am only the messenger, translating her son’s words from the spirit world to her. I tried to explain to her that I am only telling her what her son is asking me to say and that I have to honor his wishes as well.

The mother, who was feeling a great deal of guilt and pain, was also in a very strong and unyielding state of denial about her son’s mental health condition which eventually led to the suicide. She insisted to me that her son was fine and had no mental health problems and that I was wrong and that I was not really speaking with him. I was quite certain that I was. With that, the session quickly went down hill as the mother proceeded to lash out and engage in a personal attack against me, my legitimacy and competency, even so far as demanding her money back.

Although she came to see me to find out the truth and find some peace, she simply was not ready or able to hear and accept the messages that her son brought through to her. This had been a huge issue between them in life, as she would never acknowledge his mental health problems while he was alive. Unfortunately while he was alive she had been embarrassed and ashamed of her son’s illness, especially as he was growing up with her. So, the only way for the mother to stay in her state of denial was to invalidate the whole experience with me, to attack, my credibility and legitimacy. She became very nasty and angry and I had to ask her to leave my office.

I had another similar encounter with a mother who came to see me in a Grief Support group for loss by Suicide whose child died of suicide and was gay. That mother also was not able to accept that her child was gay, even as he came thru from the spirit side. She also became angry with me and the reading, insisting that I was not real. She was embarrassed in the group to admit that her daughter was gay. These are moments when my job can be very difficult delivering messages that some one just does not want to hear. These are times in my work that I can be confronted with anger, denial and even hostility.

In closing I would say that if you have a reading with a Medium, it is very important that you be open to any and all messages that are being delivered. Those messages that may not make sense to you in that moment, or that maybe you do not want to hear, have real significance…they are important or they would not be coming through. Please do not dismiss or disregard those messages. Your loved ones in spirit have to work just as hard as I do to bring those messages through, and we need to always remember that all of those messages come from a place of love and concern for us.

Many of us carry around our own unprocessed and unreleased anger. I hope that by sharing these experiences and observations that you may be inclined to examine how anger affects your life, whether it is your own anger or the anger of others in your life.

At the root of all messages that illuminate feelings of unresolved anger, is a message about Forgiveness. Spirits constantly come through in readings speaking of the importance of Forgiveness in our lives. Forgiveness is the only way to release feelings of anger which keep us emotionally bonded to people in unhealthy and self-destructive ways.

Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. Forgiveness is NOT condoning. Forgiveness does NOT absolve the other of responsibility for their actions. Forgiveness is NOT for the person that hurt you…although you may certainly “give it to them.”

Forgiveness IS a decision, IS to decide to let go and move on, IS a process of healing.

Forgiveness IS a gift that you give yourself and a pathway to freedom and peace.

**If you need help dealing with anger or angry and toxic people in your life I highly recommend Bob Riley at We do not have to look far to find the expression of anger all around us. Have you are ever noticed the constant stream of anger that is expressed and pumped into our lives everyday through our Televisions and radios? We can flip thru a multitude of channels that project a constant stream of angry energy from people who are outraged about everything and anything, arguing about everything and anything…simply for the sake of arguing and being angry! We are bombarded with anger expressed through violence every minute of every day in the news, TV, movies, music, video games and the world around us. Anger is one of the most destructive forces on the planet. It is one of the most powerfully moving and motivating emotions that we feel. It can also be one of the most toxic and debilitating emotions that we experience as humans, if not expressed in a healthy way and released. Please understand that I am not suggesting we should never get angry, there is certainly plenty in life to be angry about and rightfully so! However, I am suggesting that it is important to consciously channel our anger in a healthy way, and at some point, to let it go and release it.

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